Emotionally All Grown Up

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I’m almost finished reading Pete Scazzero’s Emotionally Healthy Spirituality. It’s such a good book that I’ve volunteered to teach it as a class this Fall. Our churches are full of emotionally immature people. You will see people you know in this analysis of stages of emotional growth.

Emotional Infants

• Look for others to take care of them
• Have great difficulty entering into the world of others
• Are driven by need for instant gratification
• Use others as objects to meet their needs

Emotional Children

• Are content and happy as long as they receive what they want
• Unravel quickly from stress, disappointments, trials
• Interpret disagreements as personal offenses
• Are easily hurt
• Complain, withdraw, manipulate, take revenge, become sarcastic when they don’t get their way
• Have great difficulty calmly discussing their needs and wants in a mature, loving way.

Emotional Adolescents

• Tend to often be defensive
• Are threatened and alarmed by criticism
• Keep score of what they give so they can ask for something later in return
• Deal with conflict poorly, often blaming, appeasing, going to a third party, pouting, or ignoring the issue entirely
• Become preoccupied with themselves
• Have great difficulty truly listening to another person’s pain, disappointments, or needs
• Are critical and judgmental

Emotional Adults

• Are able to ask for what they need, want, or prefer – clearly, directly, honestly
• Recognize, manage, and take responsibility for their own thoughts and feelings
• Can, when under stress, state their own beliefs and values without becoming adversarial
• Respect others without having to change them
• Give people room to make mistakes and not be perfect
• Appreciate people for who they are – the good, the bad, and ugly – not for what they give back
• Accurately assess their own limits, strengths, and weaknesses and are able to freely discuss them with others
• Are deeply in tune with their own emotional world and able to enter into the feelings, needs, and concerns of others without losing themselves
• Have the capacity to resolve conflict maturely and negotiate solutions that consider the perspectives of others

 That’s enough to think about for now. The peace of Christ to you.